Proverbs 31 | It’s Not Just About Women

Proverbs 31 was not written only for women. It’s also not just written about women.

We often look at this chapter as the blueprint for how a woman should behave and live. Which, as most women would perceive, is another impossible standard to attain and one that highlights the shortcomings of women in today’s society.

We often focus on the Proverbs 31-Woman’s roles as if her lifestyle is how women should live every day because “the Bible says so.” We’ve all likely heard sermons, stories, read books, and had conversations about this chapter which urked us somehow. I’ve had conversations with women of various ages who said they have trouble with this chapter because of its impossible standards. They all felt less-than, unworthy, and discouraged by it instead of motivated, encouraged, and empowered. I’ve also had conversations with men who used this chapter as a wish-list for their future wives or who, too, have felt the pressure to live in such a way to deserve such a wife.

There are also teachings about how this passage is all about character that goes beyond gender, circumstances, and marital status. Whatever angle we view Proverbs 31, I want to share a perspective that will completely change your view going forward. You might get flashbacks to your previous perceptions of this chapter after this post, but from here on out, I hope this new perspective brings you some ease and comfort.

This isn’t to say that Proverbs 31 isn’t a good layout for Christians to follow. On the contrary, it definitely provides guidance and direction for our behaviors and attitudes about life. It’s something to we can grow towards, not in our own strength, but with God’s strength. But my heart in sharing this is to remind us that there is more to be found between the lines of what we often read through the Bible. The Bible should challenge us to change for the better and bring us to a place of conviction and willingness to change. But it does not condemn, shame, or guilt-trip us into change, nor should we view it that way.

It’s not an end-all-be-all perspective, but rather something to think about when it comes to reading the Bible.

The Words of Lemuel

Before we talk about the famous Proverbs 31 section, let’s address the first nine verses of the words of Lemuel. Just like the book of Psalms, Proverbs has multiple authors, Lemuel being one of them. We don’t know much about King Lemuel because he is not recorded in the lists of the kings of Israel. According to the Enduring Word commentary, he was likely a pagan king who put his trust in the God of Israel. Whoever this guy was, he was somehow associated with the Hebrew culture. Jewish legends often say Lemuel was Solomon himself, while others arguably state that he most definitely wasn’t related to King David at all.

The first set of verses are the teachings of King Lemuel’s mother. This is her advice to him in his kingly position and leadership role. These nine verses focus on three requirements for righteous leadership. The verses say:

¹The words of King Lemuel, the pronouncement which his mother taught him:
² What, my son? And what, son of my womb? And what, son of my vows?
³ Do not give your strength to women, Or your ways to that which destroys kings.
⁴ It is not for kings, Lemuel, It is not for kings to drink wine, Or for rulers to desire intoxicating drink,
⁵ Otherwise they will drink and forget what is decreed, And pervert the rights of all the needy.
⁶ Give intoxicating drink to one who is perishing, And wine to one whose life is bitter.
⁷ Let him drink and forget his poverty, And remember his trouble no more.
⁸ Open your mouth for the people who cannot speak, For the rights of all the unfortunate.
⁹ Open your mouth, judge righteously, And defend the rights of the poor and needy.

Proverbs 31:1-9

The first requirement is to refrain from using authority for indulgence. Even though Lemuel was a man of power and could basically do whatever he wanted, his mother advised him against that privilege. She advised him to stay away from sexual immorality and drunkenness and to refrain from using his authority and power for fleshly indulgence. This makes me think of Paul’s many letters to the churches and his admonishment to them to do the same. He wasn’t giving them a religious list of laws, but rather parameters for which to follow to avoid falling back into the trap of sin and death.

In Romans 6, Paul explains how sin is no longer a master over a believer, that they are dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus, that after being freed from sin, they are now slaves to righteousness. In verses 15 he says, what then? Are we to sin because we are not under the Law but under grace? Far from it! In this same way, Lemuel’s mother advises him to lead in righteousness, apart from fleshly indulgence that would make him lack discipline, strategy, and clarity. It’s no longer about what’s “right or wrong” but about what’s beneficial and healthy for the mind, body, and soul for ultimate, long-term leadership and impact.

The second requirement is to maintain a clear mind, free from the numbing influence of alcohol. Lemuel’s mother repeated this idea to him (and us) three times for emphasis. Those in leadership should avoid alcohol. This goes right along with the first point but is singled out because of the damage alcohol alone can cause. Not only does it cloud your judgment, but it is unhealthy for your mind and heart (physically, mentally, and emotionally). Leader or not, alcohol clouds judgment and can negatively impact you, your relationships, and influence.

The third requirement is to use your power to help others in need. With the first two requirements in place, Lemuel’s mother charges her son to always stand up for others and find ways to help them. When power isn’t used for debauchery and alcohol isn’t abused, it can be used to impact multitudes for the better. This is ultimate leadership which we can apply to our own lives and areas of influence.

Description of a Worthy Woman: The Virtuous Proverbs 31 Woman

The second half of Proverbs 31 is about the famous Proverbs 31 Woman. Like Psalms 119, Proverbs 31:10-31 is an acrostic poem (if you’ve read my Stringing Pearls series, you’ll know this). In Proverbs 31, the first word of each line begins with a different letter from the Hebrew alphabet in succession. There are twenty-two lines and it does, in fact, depict a woman of noble character, a woman of valor. But this describes more than the stereotypical message we often receive.

Throughout the book of Proverbs, we will often find two women mentioned. The woman Folly and the woman Wisdom. Wisdom is attributed to the characteristics of a female and the reason for this, in my humble opinion, is because of the language from which it was translated (Biblical Hebrew). Like with many other languages, many of the words have grammatical genders. In this case, Wisdom is feminine and Proverbs personifies wisdom.

In Proverbs 8, Wisdom refers to itself in the first person. For a while, I believed this whole chapter (chapter 8) was about the Holy Spirit and that Wisdom was, in fact, an image of the Holy Spirit. This led to me to believe that Proverbs 31 was how the Holy Spirit works on our behalf, as a woman of virtue and valor. Though helpful, this isn’t entirely correct.

As I researched further, I found that some claim this passage refers to Jesus, while majority of Biblical scholars understand it to simply refer to wisdom. Wisdom is portrayed as wisdom, something the Lord created, so therefore, it cannot be God. This woman Wisdom is a personification of an attribute of God, which is also something God gives to us generously (James 1:5).

So when we look at Proverbs 31:10-31, we see a woman who embodies real, practical wisdom from Aleph to Tav (the A to Z of Hebrew). It’s wisdom in action, a blueprint for our walk with God, and how His wisdom works supernaturally on our behalf throughout our lives. It is not about an unattainable standard to achieve externally solely for women.

It’s Wisdom, not necessarily “woman.”

Conclusion

It’s nice thought, that Proverbs 31 is written to and for women, but I think it’s caused a lot more pain than necessary. It’s definitely helped many, so I’m not saying completely change your view and dismiss what its taught, but consider looking at Proverbs 31 with a new perspective. We can look at Proverbs 31 in the same way we’ve viewed the rest of the book of Proverbs, where the women Folly and Wisdom show what life looks like with God and without Him. With God, we have the blessings and benefits of wisdom available to us. Without God, we have foolishness leading us to ruin.

As I look at these verses, I replace “woman” with “wisdom,” and I find that God gives generously and without reproach (James 1:5). When I choose to accept God’s wisdom and obey Him, I find that the fruits of wisdom are evident in my life because of God’s leading.

Lemuel’s mother admonishes her son as a leader, but the three requirements for righteousness apply to us all. Similarly, with Proverbs 31, we can read it and trust that this is the wisdom God provides to us.

Wisdom is excellent, who can find it? Its worth is far above jewels!

Wisdom rises while it is still night and gives food to its household and portions to its attendants.

Godly wisdom is at work while we sleep. Godly wisdom is at hand when we need it. Godly wisdom surpasses the wisdom of this world.

While I hope this is helpful and interesting, I want to say that this is just my research and personal study time. I continue to research and study and hope you know that I’m open-minded in sharing these perspectives with you. If there’s an end-all-be-all perspective, feel free to share it. Otherwise, don’t let this take away from you grasping the truths in Proverbs 31 overall.

God’s Word is powerful and, if there’s anything you take away from this study on Proverbs 31, I hope it is an increased love for Him and His word.

Also, the Bible has many Acrostic poems and one of the reasons is to help jog one’s memory of God’s Word (see Psalm 119: Stringing Pearls for more on this). This isn’t necessarily helpful for those who speak English, because it doesn’t work the same way in the English language, but this piece of information tells us there’s more historical and cultural context to uncover. (If you happen to know of Hebraic or Biblical commentaries, send the info my way!).