The perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other
Today is our third anniversary!
In celebration, we put together a mini Q&A about our marriage. These are questions our friends, followers, and some family members have asked. We answered them separately to see how our answers would differ from one another! Enjoy!
1. What are some key things you do to build a relationship? (Marriage or friends)
Tanya: Quality time is extremely important. For both, marriage and our friendships. Not just the love language, but being intentional about being with the other person. We do anything and everything together, talk about everything, make decisions together, etc. We pursue meaningful conversations with each other and make sure the other knows how much they’re cared for and loved.
Ruvim: Intentionally invest your time and effort into understanding and showing your love to the other person. Anything that’s done out of genuine intention will always grow the relationship. The grass is always greener where you water it. When you know that they know that you care, you’ll have the perfect soil to grow an amazing relationship in.
2. How did you meet?
Tanya: We met when we were 11 and 12 years old. His family had just moved across the street and I instantly thought he was so cute. He was really quiet though, so I wasn’t sure he noticed me all that much. We basically watched each other grow up – mutual friends, same youth group, same kind of troublemakers, then eventually dating and getting married.
Ruvim: When my family and I moved to Alaska, we lived across the street from each other. From shy neighbors, to youth group friends, to punk trouble makers, to adults trying to figure life out, and eventually we end up getting married!
3. What was/is your biggest challenge in marriage?
Tanya: My biggest challenge at first was learning to understand that we’re a team, that he’s on my side and not against me. I took things a little too personal, which was probably confusing for him. Now, I think it’s becoming a better communicator. I realize how often I speak just to say something, so I want to mean what I say and say what I mean, in all relationships, but first with Ruvim.
Ruvim: A challenge for me is learning to always intentionally listen to understand Tanya. Many times I’ve had the right words to say, which is great when it is the right thing. But sometimes I can assume / know something, when I just needed time to listen and understand before sharing my input.
4. Who said I love you first?
Tanya: Probably him! I honestly don’t remember! We never made that a big deal because we felt loved by and in love with each other from the start.
Ruvim: Tanya and I are a bit different in that sense. I don’t think we struggled with the small ideas of who says what first. Not that we don’t say “I love you” to one another, we definitely do. But I don’t remember making it a big deal on who’s going to say it first to make it “official”. We felt official from the get go.
5. Who’s more romantic?
Tanya: I like to think I am, but definitely him! He’s a thinker, so he puts a lot of thought and intentionality into everything he does, especially when it involves me. Not that I don’t, I just like to wing it most of the time 😉
Ruvim: Definitely Tanya. I feel that I can be when I put in the effort. But for Tanya, it’s more natural and effortless it seems. It’s probably all those Hallmark movies …
6. Do you want kids? If so, when and how many?
Tanya: Definitely someday, but not right now. I know you’re never completely ready for it, but when the time comes, I want to be confident in our decision. It’s a big deal, creating life!!! We have a lot of good friends in parenthood now who we look up to and are taking good notes 😉 Plus, I hear it changes after your first one. But if not, then… maybe 5 kids?
Ruvim: We do want kids. But before wanting kids we want to be good parents in a healthy, thriving marriage. We see too much brokenness and hurt from parents and kids that we want to be prepared to be 100% when we choose to have kids. So we’re observing and learning!
7. What do you argue/fight about the most?
Tanya: We don’t really argue/fight. It’s more like bickering awkwardly about something dumb. He’s truly my best friend, so he knows when and if I’m upset about something, and I can tell that about him, too.
Ruvim: Honestly, Tanya and I don’t argue. We more like awkwardly bicker. And then realize how weird it is, and just move on after making fun of ourselves for a moment. And about what? It’s hard to say, it’s always not about what we’re actually upset about, it always turns out to be an underlying issue. Like being hungry. Or bored.
8. What are your favorite things to do together?
Tanya: Oh gosh… everything. Biking, traveling, working together, meal prepping together. Watching movies and tv shows, playing board games, eating, hammocking, etc. We love hanging out with friends and exploring new things. Anything and everything. Most of all, we love being with each other wherever we are and talking. About our future and dreams, about our beliefs, revelations, and faith, about God and our ideas for life.
Ruvim: We do a lot together. We work out together in the mornings. We work in the same job. We meal prep. We go biking. Watch the same movies. My favorite, though? I’d say is sitting and talking about our future and dreams together and all that we want to achieve.
9. How did you blend your lifestyle?
Tanya: We grew up in a very similar culture, so blending our lifestyle wasn’t that hard. From the get-go, we included each other in everything, combined everything, and involved each other as deep as we could. From our dreams and desires, fears and failures, and physical things like bank accounts and other material things.
Ruvim: We involve one another in everything. We are no longer separate single people and we don’t act like we are. We involve one another in our passions and hobbies and struggles.
10. What are your biggest similarities & differences?
Tanya: I think our biggest similarities are our faith, values, and goals for our life together. Our biggest differences are our personalities. Ruvim is very laid back, likes to process and think about things, while I’m the point A to B person, get things done super fast, and be on the go (all. the. time.). This was super fun to learn about each other! We’ve come to appreciate our differences because it really brings balance to our life. You know what they say, opposites attract!
Ruvim: We are very different people, but with very similar dreams and passions. We just make it work by not trying to “change” one another. I like to relax and lie around to think. Tanya likes to clean everything she sees, and that allows her to think. I naturally lead. Tanya finds more comfort in following my lead. I go by what the wind blows my way. Tanya schedules which direction the wind will blow that day. I can have an amazing day with just me and her at the house. Tanya wants to host a party for everyone all the time.
11. How did you split household chores?
Tanya: This was less of a big deal than our premarital book made it out to be. We grew up doing chores in our homes, so it was normal to just keep doing what we grew up doing. At the start, I kind of took over and tried to handle everything, but Ruvim helped me realize that we’re in it together. We’re one! So it became even more natural where what I take care of, he doesn’t have to and what he does, I don’t have to. It’s not so much about who does what as it is who already did it.
Ruvim: It comes naturally day by day. There are certain things that I started doing for chores and there’re chores that I’ve never done cause Tanya has it under control all the time. We both know what needs to be done, and someone will usually take care of it with no complaints.
Hope you enjoyed hearing from the both of us on this post! I’d LOVE to hear about you and your spouse 🙂 Comment below:
- How long you’ve been married for
- Answer your favorite question above.
- And your best marriage advice!
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Nancy just celebrated our 18th anniversary. Q#2. We met at church. She sat in front of me at choir rehearsal.
Best advice: never go for blood when you disagree. Always show love and respect—no matter how mad or hurt you may be.
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Wow! Congratulations and thanks so much for the advice. Definitely taking that.
I meant to say Nancy and I.
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